Exposure: As a Mom Blogger How Far Will You Go to Get It?
I haven’t lied or exaggerated any of the issues in my relationship (for better or worse everything in there is the truth!)- rather I’ve exposed what really goes on behind the closed doors of my marriage. And in the comments section, while I’d love to censor and only allow the flowery, wonderful ones that express how super intelligent I am, I do publish the mean-spirited ones which often cut right to my core and call me a money grubbing whore, or pontificate about what a horrible marriage I have and that I should divorce my husband.
I guess the question I’ve been asked most is do I write about my life for exposure and do I pimp out the very intimate details so that I’ll get more pageviews. And the answer is a vehement no. I write the blog because it’s a little corner of the earth I’ve created that’s all mine—where I am free to be honest about who I am, to share my experiences in the hopes that others will share theirs, to laugh and cry. If I can make a little money in the process well that’s just icing on the cake. The words I write, the content I produce is mine and represents some of the best and at times maybe the worst parts of who I am.
Several months ago, when my father-in-law became gravely ill with cancer, I wrote a blog post about my feelings. Unfortunately the backlash I received from my husband’s side of the family, was not at all what I expected, being that my post came from a very honest and raw place. His relatives accused me of trying to exploit my father-in-law’s sickness to gain viewers and readers, which was not even a blip on my radar screen. I honestly wrote about the experience because it was what was happening in my life, and was weighing heavily on me. In fact the outpouring of support I got from other bloggers literally helped to carry me through that very difficult experience, which ultimately resulted in my now defunct relationship with my in-laws.
I’m sure there are those who use, or magnify their personal issues, family and friends to craft salacious posts that might raise their pageviews. But it is not something I would ever consider. But I do wonder…how far would you go to gain exposure for your blog and your brand? And at what point do you draw the line? And since I’m already broaching the subject of exposure, I’m also curious as to what you are willing to do for a brand or a company, who wants to work with you and in exchange will provide you with the all-mighty exposure. How do you come to the realization that the recognition you are gaining via working for this company be it as part of a mom’s panel, an ambassador, the face of a brand- for no cash in return-is worth the time and effort you’ve invested.
My answer, it’s not simple, and it really needs to be examined on a case-by-case basis, which for me means, there has to be some kind of monetary compensation because remember, working for tampons is just no fun!
I think I had come to a certain line that I am actually ”revealing” things that happening in my life which I write into my blog. However, I will keep everything to their limits. Not ”revealing” too much but just enough for me to remember those certain occasions that has happened before in my life. Especially my children’s development, my career etc. I seldom talk about marriage.
It is interesting to know : will the people that we write about in our blog gets angry/happy etc for what we had wrote about them? I can’t understand the fact that people are saying one is trying to get readership by posting certain post ie: struggle on sickness or whatsoever it is..
My blogging philosophy is simple : Blogging Is A Good Theraphy and it has nothing to do with gaining popularity aka readership.
So often I would LOVE to post about a subject for the cathartic and support benefits, but I realize that it is someone else’ “story” too and I don’t have the right to publish it without their permission. And so, more often than not, tons of posts I wish I could write go unwritten. But since this is a public forum, I have to accept that and respect the other people in my life, whether I like it or not.
Great post Melissa!
I don’t think I’ve ever considered how posting something that is happening personally to me, good or bad, will impact my readership or impact my relationship with brands. If I write something that is more sensitive I’m writing it because it is a form of therapy for me. Now, I do sensor some of the content about family and close friends by not revealing every detail, but I talk about MY experience with that person often. I’ve talked about my own struggles with weight, being the mom to a child with mental illness, being married to a man with that same mental illness, my ups and down with the public school system, the death of grandparents, and on and on. If any of my close family or friends asks me not to blog about something specific I am happy to oblige though. Sharing is just what I do though and I know it helps me to read about others going thru similar things and so I want to return that favor. I have never felt like I was pimping out my life or that of family and friends nor do I personally know of other bloggers who do this. Not that there might not be some out there, but I just don’t know of them.
I agree with so many opinions here – especially those who choose to focus on their personal struggles and issues. When I started blogging my husband told me in no uncertain terms did he want to read (or have our friends and family read) about our family life. I think it’s a fair request and I honor that. I agree with Kimberly that relationships are far too important to allow them to get fractured over a blog post. Finally, I think another meta-issue is one of authenticity. Can we be truly authentic without over disclosing? I think the answer is an emphatic “yes” but it takes work and a genuine desire and effort to connect in ways that don’t compromise the people we care about or our own values.
I remember, a little over a year ago, when I first started my blog (but still had some readership because of a very popular blog I commented on as well as being out there in social media before my blog started), my son got sick with pneumonia and got hospitalized for five days. I had my husband update my blog with the info that i was in the hospital with my son, and I got such negative reactions from some cyber bullies who accused me of making up stories to sensationalize my blog and get readers. I mean, come on!
That said, I do have limits when it comes to writing things. I don’t write things for “sensation”. Many IRL people read my blog and I don’t want to hurt anyone I know, so I keep what I write to be mostly about my immediate family (husband and kids) and ideas, and when i write anything personal about my hubby I ask him permission.
I am with Kim – I reveal my struggles not my kid’s and families – those are not my tales to tell. As for how much we divulge online that is no-one else’s decision but the blogger involved. Whether it is too much or little is basically just an opinion.
I think while one engages their right to add to a discussion, they need to respect that what one does in their blog is freedom to exert that same right.
Having said all of that I am honored to call Melissa a dear friend and knowing the wonderful person she is it would be a sad to judge her so harshly. We take a chance when we open our hearts, and lest we hurl stones at her, admire her courage to speak it.
i do sorta love how blogs and the idea of privacy has evolved. far gone are the days of a diary kept just for yourself.
What a dilemma! It seems that female bloggers get bashed if we write about personal issues on our blogs, write product reviews or write sponsored posts. As someone who has been writing mainly product reviews and is now moving towards other forms of writing on my blog, I am sharing more about what goes on with my family. I don’t do it for page views. I do it to vent, to share my story and possibly help someone else and to get advice in return. I’m happier with the content of my blog. If someone has a gripe about it, too bad!
The bottom line she will do anything for readership. There are some things that are sacred and should not be disclosed for public consumption.
That’s harsh. How do you come to that conclusion?
Because we all do. Otherwise we would not even be on this forum trying to “connect” or better yet seek readers and approval. We are quite self centered in this process. Is quite OK to own it.
That’s a pretty strong judgement of someone whom you (probably) don’t even know. You have no idea what type of person Melissa is. She is actually one of the people who taught me about the concept of “Shalom” (peace) in the home.
In my opinion, you need to back down. What is “sacred” is a personal decision. We don’t get to define that for you and vice versa.
Trying to keep it real. My opinion. I said there are somethings that are sacred. What is scared to her ? I don’t know. Just saying we are quite self centered in this process at times. Nothing else. She opened the door for discussion now we want to shut it close.
You are right. You are entitled to your opinion and the issue IS open for discussion. For me, when you “bottom lined” it, that wasn’t conducive to discussion. (That could have just been how I read it though…I AM protective of friends.)
Anyway, I’m moving on. I clicked over to your blog from your comment and wanted to say that you take beautiful photos. I like the space that you have created there. That’s the beauty of blogs…there’s a bunch of great, totally different spaces.
Kimberly you are right and perhaps I should have not stated it in such way. I love when we protect and care for ours. Is a must.
TY for looking at my blog =) and liking the space there.
I guess I’ve just become a tad unapologetic in the blogging process and a little softer out of the gate would have been wonderful for me to do. I apologize for that.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion – but that truth is just your own. I absolutely LOVE Melissa’s blog and am so thankful that there is honestly still available on the web. It’s very easy to get caught up in the PR pushes and forget who you are as an online writer. Melissa’s feet are firmly planted in the ground. We should all be so lucky…
Did not mean to step on a friends toes. But like I’ve been trying to say we can be quite self absorbed in this process. I’ve been guilty and many others have as well. Just saying is OK to keep ourselves honest and the readers interested.
Absolutely true. If you feel most comfortable doing this, then you should by all means. Melissa represents a group of bloggers that need to get it all off their chest. There’s a place for all of us. :)
Melissa, I’m so sorry! I’ve had similar things happen on my site from family members and its no fun. Especially when you were just posting about what is going on in your life! (How could you NOT talk about your father-in-law? And if you hadn’t, would they have thought it wasn’t important to you?) Sometimes you can’t win. Just be true to yourself – which those who know you realize that you always are!
You make an interesting point. My blog centers around my children – and is humorous in genre, so I often wonder if they will be angry about revealing so much of their childhood (and not the sweet stuff either) for all the world to view. On the other hand, it si a written history for them for years to come. I guess I wont know for another 20 years or so.
We write about what we know.
And what we know, ourselves!
Censorship, real or imagined, self imposed or expected, is a tough call because typically our experiences usually involve someone else.
So how do you draw a line – there would be nothing to talk about since our lives are intertwined with the experiences we share everyday with other people. The good, the bad and the ugly of our past – again, other people involved.
When I read blogs where people pour out their hearts, and getting all those comments I covet that must surely make the computer memory want to explode – I wonder what the repercussions would be if I wrote about some of the things that have made me who I am today … and then I think of my family … my husband, my girls, my parents … I don’t know that they would understand … and my life is their story too … and so here I sit, in this box I have created for myself.
If you feel you can share, then you go right ahead, I will read it all and be just a tiny bit jealous of your freedom!
Blogs are no longer a little corner of the earth. In my opinion, there is certainly a fine line. I have to respect my family/friends as to not share too personal of information that involves them.
I’ve learned from others that families and friendship have been hurt and divided over this..and the question, “is it worth it?”
I’m still trying to find the balance between sharing too much and not sharing enough. I primarily like to read blogs that have information that relate to my experiences, and there have been so many times that I have discovered a solution to one of my problems thanks to someone sharing what they are going through. The bloggers that are authentically sharing, though, really stand out from the ones who are just exploiting their stories, in my opinion.
There was a time, before most people knew or cared about blogs, when I felt like I could pour my heart out on my blog. Now, my family and friends have discovered me and I do a lot more censoring. It’s sad, really, because what I love about blogs (and one of the reasons I read yours) is the honesty of them. I don’t read review blogs for the most part, but I still love to read about day-to-day life experiences. It’s like connecting with a close friend. So, yeah, I don’t really write much about family outside of my own, and I’m fairly careful about that as well. But I’ll have to say that I miss being able to simply talk about what’s on my mind, without having to worry about who I might offend. It had nothing to do with page views and everything to do with expressing myself.
I will talk about my immediate family on my blog. My husband and children. They are close enough to me that they can very easily let me know if being on there bothers them. Any other family members, I might mention in passing…but for the most part I try to respect their privacy and keep them out of my blog altogether. They don’t know how big my readership is, and if they did and found out I was chatting about them to that many people, I doubt many would appreciate it.
That said, I lost my niece a year ago in a tragic case of domestic violence. I do talk about that on my blog. I do not go into details and actually try to avoid actually bringing my own personal feelings into the discussion. BUT in that case I think awareness and education trumps the feelings of myself and my family members. I am not exploiting the situation for personal gain or profit. But I’ll admit to “exploiting” my personal experience with domestic violence to use my platform to bring awareness and education to the public.
I don’t know, my blog isn’t that personal though. So my answer is probably a bit different from someone who only blogs about their personal life. I have plenty of ground to cover without touching a single family member.
I will expose myself/ my struggles and shortcomings on my blog. However, I won’t tell the challenges and shortcomings of those who I care about (including my 6 year old, since he can now read!) without their specific permission. I value my “in real life” relationships too much.
It’s tempting though. As you wrote, it’s not even about the pageviews. The blogging community can be so encouraging and supportive – especially during challenging times. Also, it’s just cathartic to just write everything out/get it out of our heads. I don’t think that there is just one right answer…it’s an individual choice.