How to Have A Blog (And A Life)
Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that social media may be dangerous to your kids’ health.
OK, not really. But some days, I wonder about that. The funny (and ironic) thing about mom blogging is this: It can distract you from your children, the lovely beings who you write about and who, you know, give you cred as a mom blogger. Ever dashed away from your kids to pound out a post because inspiration struck? Ever tweeted from the playground? Ever missed some vital kid happening because of the blog? Ever felt crappy about any of that?
Welcome to the Guilty-Mom Bloggers Club.
As I write this, I am on a plane headed to San Diego to speak at a blogger event. It is my son’s eighth birthday today. I committed to the trip, which is related to my real-life job as a magazine editor, and didn’t realize I’d have to travel on his b-day until it was too late to back out. We had a birthday party for Max last weekend and another little celebration last night, and we’ll have birthday cake when I’m back on Sunday, but I am feeling b-a-d.
This juggling the kids and the blog thing? It isn’t easy. Sadly, there’s no app for that. Although I don’t travel a lot for events, my blog itself can distract me from my children, especially when I fail to curb my enthusiasm for it. But there are some things I’ve been doing lately that have helped me balance blog life and real life, and none of them involve outsourcing posts to India:
• The no-blogging-when-playing rule. When I’m hanging out with the kids, my attention’s with them. There was a time when I’d occasionally sit in the playroom or living room and type away as they played, but I’ve quit that. Kid time is kid time. I don’t want them growing up thinking they’re secondary to a silver, hard-shelled sibling named Mac.
• I invest most of my time in one resource: my blog. A few months ago, I quit writing for a website I’d contributed to for a year. It’s a good site, but it was unpaid and had to do with the same exact topic I cover on my blog. I also put myself on a social media diet, which hasn’t done much for my jelly belly but has saved me time. Sure, I tweet and post updates, but often I’ll shut off TweetDeck— talk about addictive substances!—and ignore Facebook. I could care less if my Klonk or Krock or whatever score isn’t high. I’ve got a good blog, and that’s good enough for me. (By all means, be proud of your score. Heck, engrave it on your tombstone: “Here lies Claire, she rated an 83.”)
• I set limits. I give myself one hour to write a post, max, and that’s only for the really emotional ones that are hard to get out. If something’s not quite coming to me, I’ll leave it alone and finish it another time.
• I say no. The other day, I turned down a giveaway from a Major Company. I just couldn’t fit it in during the insane month otherwise known as December. Although I write occasional guest posts for good causes on other sites, I’ve turned those down those, too. I don’t let myself go to that guilty place—time dedicated to them is less time with my family.
• I hit the “easy” button. I’ll rope in guest posters, both to give them a platform and give myself a break. I’ll let my five-year-old “blog.” I’ll write short and end with a question, so readers essentially fill in the post. My friend Katy now blogs just several times a week, to preserve her sanity. I still blog daily; cutting back would require some sort of 12-step program.
• I skip events. When I started blogging, I was an event ho: I’d go to any one that would have me. I continue to attend some, along with blog conferences; they’re great for networking and, hello, a weekend away with cool women where I never hear the words “Can you wipe me?” = bliss. But these days, I limit myself. Sometimes I think, Will I someday look back and remember the blog event, or will I remember the day we took the kids to the aquarium? Exactly.
I still get the occasional “Will you please get off the blog!” remarks from my husband, but since I’ve set limits, I’m less torn up about the blog-child balance (well, er, excluding this weekend). Ultimately, blogging is an amazing outlet for me. I feel good knowing I inspire and help other moms. In return, I have an online sisterhood who support me, make me laugh, reality-check me. They get what I’m going through, both as a mom and as a mom of a kid with special needs. Blogging makes me less stressed and happy and that, in turn, makes me a better mom … usually.
How about you? Are you a member of the Guilty-Mom Bloggers Club? Got any good tricks for balancing your life that don’t involve getting a second husband? Share!
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I blogged about the same thing:
http://dagmarbleasdale.com/2010/10/the-never-ending-struggle-to-balance-motherhood-and-work/
I have made a decision to say no to most unpaid opportunities. I won’t cover the NYC Toy Fair and will decline a lot of blogging events in NYC until L is in school full-time after this summer.
Dagmar
Awesome post and I appreciate the advice – so useful!
I’ve definitely been guilty of that “blogging while the kids play” and am proud to say that I’ve eliminated at least that very bad habit from my life. It wasn’t easy…. and I may check my blackberry once in a while JUST to peek and see if there are new comments to an especially important post. But I can proudly state that the laptop does remain closed. *The blackberry thing is a work in progress*
It helps that we have a routine in our house, and that routine includes nap time (around noon) and bedtime at 7 pm. Once the kids are sleeping, I can take care of household duties, and finally the rest of the evening is aaaalllll mine to do what i please with – and that is BLOG!!!!
Oh, and spend time w/DH too (lol).
I did not get a wife as a holiday gift, alas. But I did take a blog break, and it was great. Wishing you all a balanced New Year!
Thanks for the blog…I have incredible guilt over juggling it all (yes, the full time gig, four kids, a side biz and lots of blogging)…luckily my youngest is now in kindergarten and I’m getting better at being as efficient as possible then so I can be more available when she’s home. That said, I’m failing a lot more than I’d like and know I need to get control of this monster with the new year. I appreciate the tips!
The fact that Ellen called herself an “event ho” in this post just made my day. But that aside, I think we often find balance over time (like in seasons), not in any given day. I am about to enter a very busy season, and to me, it’s OK to throw myself into my work completely for this short period. As long as I promise myself (and my family) that a break is on the way.
I’m also focusing on being a bit more strategic, not grasping around so much at every idea. It worked for my creative process, but I need to pull back on it to maintain some balance in 2011!
I have mad every effort to only blog when my son is in bed. And I try do to a couple posts at once as to not compromise my time with him. These are great tips!
I generally don’t have much guilt because I only post twice a week and I try blogging only when she is sleeping (and I work part time when she sleeps as well). That is a good balance for me because I never feel like it takes anything away from my 2 year old or my husband :) I don’t attend any events, but I might in the future. I also don’t tweet much, I’ve set up automatic tweets for new posts and such. I’m enjoying this balance and I know I will not later regret not spending enough time with my kids! ;)
Thank you for the tips. Balancing full time job, two blogs, two little kids, and everything else gets overwhelming.
I am thinking I will go to writing only a couple of times a week.
I also wantr to cut down on giveaways, They take a tremendous amount ofr time
So good to read this now. I’m still in the very early stages of blogging and have only been blogging daily for 23 days on an alphabet countdown to Christmas. I’ve already had this blog guilt and even heard my two year old playing blog. Thanks for the advice. Blogging really is such a wonderful mom outlet, but balance is key. :)
This was helpful. I am trying to balance as well and have been feeling guilty that my kids probably will remember the side of my head rather than my face since that is what they see most of the time :(
I also shut down the computer at times now. I thought it would be easier to keep it open in the living room and be able to do “5 mins here, 5 mins there” – it takes twice as long and is frustrating. I keep a notebook or notepad file up of things I want to read, respond to or follow up on when I have time. I will check it during my 1 kid’s nap time (other kid’s TV time) or after bed time.
Great advice (and funny as always, Ellen). So true about “no blogging when playing.” I call it “turning off all devices.” When I’m playing with the kids, the computer goes on “sleep mode”, the I-phone turns off, etc. I also love the tips you have for making it easier to blog every day (like accepting guest posts, even from your 5-year-old…I’ve done that too!).
I’m enjoying this new site and looking forward to reading more…
great ideas for finding balance, i keep a strict policy as well as i can of never talking on the phone/using the computer/etc when my kids are around and i am just hoping they repay the favor then they’re older and don’t try to get away with texting at the dinner table!
Wonderful blog and great tips. Hmmm…getting a second husband…now that sounds like a plan!
GREAT article! I will be sharing this and taking advice from it. I either seem to neglect everything and blog or neglect the blog and do everything else. This method makes both suffer. My new year will begin with a schedule to make my life easier on both fronts. Thanks for this wonderful article!
Hi, I’m Carrie and I want a Life again.
Thank you for this…I have been struggling with an attempt to regain balance and have promised myself that 2011 is more about me and mine, and less about tweets and fans. I love what I do, but I am needing to love me a little more…and, of course, be more present to the people who don’t care what my Krank score is.
Getting a second wife would be great :-)
Meanwhile, I don’t travel a lot without my family unless it’s a truly fabulous opportunity. (Rather, I send newer up & coming bloggers in my place when possible.) I am also cutting down on product reviews, multiple giveaways running at the same time and local event attendance where kids are not included.
Over time, I have accepted that I am a very slow writer so I need to save as much of my work time for writing as possible. That way, my family time can truly be family time!
This year finding blogging time got infinitely easier. Re: both of my kids are in school full days :) I *try* to get the majority of my work done while they are at school. If I need to finish a post or project I will pick it back up once they are in bed. With the exception of events and conferences, overall I think I’m doing OK balancing…this week, at least.